


The Captain and his Ace Cadet

by InsaneSociopath



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Asexuality Spectrum, Gen, In the name of education..., Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-06 00:42:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12805863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneSociopath/pseuds/InsaneSociopath
Summary: Jim knows it’s more than passed the point when he should have stopped staring at the ceiling and gotten off his bed.But.But he’s not done freaking out yet.Jim reads an LGBTQ+ article and realises a few things





	The Captain and his Ace Cadet

**Author's Note:**

> Cross posted from my Tumblr

_For the prompt:_  
Hey dude! Love you and all your writings :D are you still doing prompts? Bc I would love to see Jim freaking out (about not being "ace enough" bc he's still sex-favourable but has just realised he might be asexual? or something? ) and going to his supervisor Chris very apologetically about it all. If I've got the wrong end of the stick and you're not accepting them then all the love anyway, ofc!  <3 <3 <3

 **Fandom:** Star Trek  
**Rating:** T  
**Warnings:** Jim being a wee bit anxious is about all.

_This depiction of asexuality is largely based on my own experiences. Personally, I’m somewhere between sex-indifferent and sex-positive, but closer to indifferent. I welcome any input from people with other experiences._

Also the title is horrific, someone please fix it lol

* * *

Jim knows it’s more than passed the point when he should have stopped staring at the ceiling and gotten off his bed.

But.

But he’s not done freaking out yet.

His Padd is still lying atop the covers beside him, the Academy’s weekly newsletter still open on the screen. The backlight of the device is bright enough to cast a low glow on the ceiling above him, growing more clear as the sun begins to set over San Francisco.

He stares at the patch of light, the faint blue, yellow and pink smudge of brightness on the otherwise sunset-orange tinged pale cream paint. And he thinks.

About the contents of the Campus weekly newsletter.

About this week’s main article.

_Society Spotlight: The Starfleet LGBTQ+ Alliance_

Now Jim’s well aware that in this day and age you’d have to be born and permanently live in a hole on the most isolated planet in the Federation to not know what LGBTQ stands for, or that the + sign was a convenient shorthand for all the other equally valid letters that followed after the LGBTQ. But he’d never really had a reason to stop and think about what all those extra letters actually _were_ , or what they _stood for._ As far as Jim’s concerned, people are people know matter where they’re from, or what their species, gender or orientation. They can label or not label themselves however they damn well please, and no-one should get any say in that except the individuals themselves. 

So until now he'd never thought about it.

It’s the A that’s particularly got his brain going into meltdown right now. 

_A stands for three different orientations; one gender related, one romantic orientation, and the other to do with sexuality._

_A is for Agender, A is for Aromantic, and A is for Asexual._

A is for Asexual. 

Jim has always considered himself some sort of Xeno-Bi or Pan, on the basis that he doesn’t really care much about gender or species when selecting partners; only that they’re fully consenting and looking for a good time. 

But.

A is for Asexual.

It’s not like he hasn’t heard the term before. Plenty of people he’s spoken to have told him that they're asexual or aromantic (and in a couple of cases, that they’re both). Jim has always smiled, nodded, and proceeded not to flirt with the individual (as best as he can manage anyway) so as to not make them uncomfortable.

But he always thought that Asexual meant aversion to sex. That they find sharing any kind of physical intimacy beyond hugs and handshakes and so on distasteful. That that’s all it meant.

_But. ___

A is for Asexual is still glaring on the screen of the Padd beside him. 

_**Asexuality** is the lack of sexual attraction to others, and thus also often low or absent interest in -or desire for- sexual activity, but not exclusively. Commonly abbreviated to “Ace”. _

Lack of _sexual attraction._

Not lack of interest in sex itself.

Basically, Asexuals enjoy or don’t enjoy sex just the same as any other person of any other orientation in the universe. 

Jim loves sex. Loves the emotional intimacy that usually occurs during it, loves the physical pleasure that it gives him. Loves giving his partners their own moments of intense physical pleasure even more; that blissed out look of ecstasy, and revelling in the fact he got to share that with them. 

But.

But he can’t honestly say he’s ever been _sexually_ attracted to anyone.

Not ever.

But does that mean he’s Ace?

Or is he just reading into things way too much?

* * *

Bones, as much as Jim loves and respects him as the fantastic best friend that he is, is absolutely no help at all when he finally crawls back into their dorm just before midnight.

This is quite probably because the poor man just finished his second double shift in a row at Medical, and has three separate essays due in over the next two days and a long lab report for the day after that.

But still.

“Please take your sexuality crisis to someone awake enough to give a damn” is not particularly helpful to Jim. Not at all.

Faced with little choice other than doing as Bones suggested though, he retreats back to bed with a bowl of ramen noodles and a mental list of his friends to go through.

Gaila?

Now Gaila is usually his first choice go-to buddy for any sex related questions, suggestions or ideas. But that bond is based on the fact that Gaila doesn’t particularly understand most species’ ideas of sexuality and just finds everyone and anyone _hot and sexy._ Jim’s problem is that he thinks he’s actually the exact opposite of that, so she’s probably not the one to talk to. 

Uhura will skin him alive for trying to discuss sex with her. She’s not a prude, not by any measure, and is in fact very mature when the subject is broached according to most people. But that’s one of her lines where Jim is concerned; they will remain friends so long as he keeps the flirting to a minimum and the conversation clean. On her side, she doesn’t go gossiping about his odd habits like his food hoarding and doesn’t constantly nag him to see someone about it. Some people think they’re being unfair to each other, demanding that the other keep mum on certain topics; that that’s not how friendship should work. But it’s _their_ system, not someone else’s. It works for them and it’s based on mutual respect, so he has no plans to upset that balance.

So no, not Uhura.

Then there’s Gary.

He _could_ potentially talk to Gary.

But nah… Gary is great, but mostly he’s great in the wild parties, reckless shenanigans, and fast talking their way out of trouble department. If Jim wanted to drink this entire debacle out of his memories forever, Gary would absolutely be the person he’d go to. But he wants to solve the problem, not pretend it doesn’t exist.

…And Bones has already thoroughly vetoed himself, despite easily being Jim’s first choice. 

So now what?

He has other friends – plenty of them, but not ones he’s willing to go spilling his heart out to. And he has a feeling that discussing this with anybody will involve doing so. 

The only other person who already knows all of Jim’s shit and might actually be helpful is-

Oh fuck no, that’s the worst idea ever.

He _cannot._

He absolutely cannot go crying to his low-key gay and very, _very_ stern and grouchy supervisor.

Going to the man who regularly reams him out for his behaviour, attitude and sexual habits for advice is most definitely _the worst_ idea in even Jim’s long history of terrible ideas.

No.

He’s totally not fucking doing that.

Even if Pike is heavily involved with all the LGBTQ+ society stuff.

* * *

Nope.

Not happening. 

Even if he continues to lie here helplessly awake all night worrying, it’s still not happening.

* * *

“What?” comes the cranky sounding reply to his hesitant knock on the office door.

He cracks the door open slowly, and hopes the hot coffee he brought with him will pacify Pike; the Captain is the least likely person in the world to ever be labelled as a morning person, and Jim has long since learnt to never arrive unarmed.

“I brought you two double macchiatos with hazelnut syrup shots and an expresso on the side sir?” Jim greets hesitantly, walking in so slowly it’s almost a shuffle. “In stay-hot mugs and with a pot fresh cream?”

Pike glares at him over his desk.

“What the fuck did you break now Kirk?” he’s asked sharply, Pike’s gaze cutting suddenly to the carton he’s holding carefully upright. “Bribery won’t get me to fix it for you.” 

“I didn’t break anything for once,” Jim grins sheepishly. “And before you start panicking, I haven’t pissed anyone off, got into any fights, nearly been arrested, or made myself a target for any more bullies.”

Pike’s eyes narrow even further, darting back to Jim’s face with a suspicious look.

“What did you steal then? Or if you’ve hacked anything you shouldn’t have done again, I will mercilessly hang you out to dry for it this time.”

“Captain,” Jim smirks wryly, “As unorthodox as this situation may be, I haven’t actually done anything disreputable all week. My nose is clean and my record clear.”

There’s utter silence as they regard each other levelly for several long moments. 

“What you actually mean, is that you’ve done nothing that you’ve been caught for,” the older man grumbles eventually. But he’s looking far more approachable and friendly, so Jim thinks he’s been convinced. “Oh just bring the damn coffee here and sit down then son.”

Jim does as he’s told and carefully lowers himself into the chair opposite Pike, clutching his hands in his lap as he’s suddenly overcome with nerves once again. 

Taking a long sip from the first mug with a blissful sigh, Pike then sits back and watches him silently, clearly waiting for Jim to spit out whatever he came to discuss. When Jim’s brain remains agonisingly blank and his mouth uselessly sealed, he raises a single eyebrow and Jim’s heartrate increases even more.

“The LGBT society,” Jim blurts out suddenly, just as Pike is starting to look genuinely worried about him.

“Yes?” Pike draws out slowly when Jim falls back into panicked muteness. “What about it Kirk?”

“I’m- I might be- the article- weekly newsletter- I read- What if I'm-” he stammers nonsensically, feeling heat crawling rapidly up his neck and cheeks. 

“Woah woah,” Pike interrupts, concern furrowing his brow, “slow down son. I’m getting the vaguest gist of what you’re trying to say, and I promise you I won’t bite your head off. But I need you to talk slower and in complete sentences.”

“The list of terms,” Jim says slowly through a nervous shudder once he’s paused and sucked in a deep breath, “That were in the article the society published in yesterday’s campus newsletter. One of the things listed under A was asexuality.”

Pike watches him silently as he clamps his jaw shut again and he feels his face flush with embarrassment once more.

“Okay,” the Captain breathes into the silence eventually, running his hand backwards through his hair and glancing down at the top of his desk. “Okay, I think I understand where this is going.” 

He looks back up to Jim, and a reassuring smile flits across his face. 

“Well first things first,” he continues, still looking at him with a level of calm he’s personally unaccustomed to, “grab your chair and come sit round this side; let’s take away the air of formality this desk stuck between us is creating.”

Jim swallows anxiously, and hesitates before standing and moving. He pauses again before sitting back down, still feeling like he needs approval before acting despite the informality Pike is suddenly insisting on.

“Now then,” Pike smiles once he’s finally resettled himself. “Let’s start this again. Hi, I’m Chris Pike and I’m Starfleet’s not-so secret gay weapon, and the long-suffering Vice-President of the LGBT+ Society.”

Jim snorts at the ridiculous statement before he can help himself and feels some of the tension seep out of his shoulders. 

“Erm. Alright. Do I-? Yeah alright, Hi Pike-”

“-Chris.”

“Oh right. Okay,” he chuckles nervously, “Hi Chris, I’m Jim Kirk and I think- I think I might be asexual.”

And god if that doesn’t feel like a weight off his shoulders. 

“Okay,” Pike- Chris says simply, still smiling reassuringly.

Jim looks away towards the wall and the scattering of holoframes hanging there, unsure what to say next.

“Stop me if I’m overstepping or just plain wrong son,” Pi- _Chris_ says gruffly -the tone somehow warm- when Jim once again continues to sit in silence, “but I’m going to assume you don’t know much about asexuality beyond the absolute basics.”

Jim swallows audibly, and then nods slowly, his eyes picking out familiar faces from one Chris’ senior crew holos, taken on the bridge of the Yorktown a few years back. 

“So I’m also guessing you’ve just learnt that asexuality is defined by sexual attraction -or lack thereof, instead of by your opinion of sex itself.”

Jim swallows hard again, and then breathes a rough “Yeah”.

“Well that’s a good starting point Jim.” Chris says gently. Gently enough that Jim forces himself to tear his eyes away from the wall and back towards his supervisor.

The only time Chris has ever spoken so softly to him before was immediately following the argument that Jim unintentionally ended by accidently revealing his childhood experiences with a certain agricultural colony and its insane dictator.

“I don’t know if I- what if I’m not actually-” he tries to begin, only to cut himself off again with another nervous tremor.

“Then you’re not and you choose or don’t choose another label that fits you at your own discretion,” Chris shrugs simply. “My opinion of you won’t change regardless.”

“What? You mean you’ll still think of me as an irritating scoundrel and a pain in your ass no matter who I like?” Jim tries to joke, a vain attempt at lightening the mood a little.

“Oh I absolutely will continue to think of you as my pain in the ass,” Chris grins with good humour. “I swear my hair was only half as grey as it is now before I met you.”

“I don’t think so sir,” Jim smirks weakly. “that’s one that you really can’t blame on me.”

“Well I’m blaming you anyway son. Phil has banned me from blaming him after all.”

They both lean back a little in the now more relaxed atmosphere, and Jim realises he’s managed to stop clenching his hands together. 

“Now then,” Chris continues, rolling his shoulders and then swallowing another large gulp of his scalding hot coffee. “There are roughly three main points on the asexuality spectrum, and three different main types of asexuality.”

“So it’s like a scale I guess?” Jim offers cautiously. “From asexual to not-asexual?”

“Basically yes,” Chris confirms with a nod. “At one end you’ve got asexuals; people who don’t experience sexual attraction. And at the other there are allosexuals, which is everyone who does; the not-asexuals as you termed them. Within the human race, approximately 98% of people are allosexual. The percentage is a little lower when you take the rest of the known universe into account, but even ignoring that, it leaves 2% of people who are ace-spec.”

“Ace-spec?

“On the Asexual spectrum. Two whole percent, maybe more.”

“So that means there’s err, I dunno. Maybe 220 million ace people?”

“About that many, yes son.”

“That’s a lot.”

“Just a few, yes,” Chris chuckles, leaning back completely and picking the second mug to cradle against his chest.

“So you said there are three different main points on the- on the spectrum?”

“Aces, grey-aces and demisexuals. Aces experience no attraction at all, demis only if they’ve formed a strong emotional attachment to a person first, and greys are between the two; they only experience sexual attraction in very rare circumstances.”

Jim hums thoughtfully, and tries to think of any circumstances that might mean he’s grey rather than ace. But no, he thinks, even when he was out and out full on in love with her when he was 17, he still didn’t think Grace was attractive; at least not as other people would probably use the phrase. Oh she was really adorable alright, and he loved having sex with her and cuddling and being around her, but he never thought of her as _hot_ or _sexy_ or any of those other similar words people throw around.

“I think I’m just ace,” he shrugs eventually, not sure if he should try to explain why he thought that or not.

“I’m judging purely from your facial expressions here kid, but I’m going to agree with you.”

“But-” Jim starts, trying to find the best way to phrase his question. “But I do like sex,” he says slowly, refusing to be embarrassed by the statement. “Like, a lot.”

“I had gathered Jim,” Chris answers wryly. “You’re chatty enough about the subject, even when I wish you wouldn’t be. No-one needs to know how good you think some guy looked while blissed out, least of all me.”

Jim always a cheeky grin onto his face, even though Chris would normally clip him round the ear for it. 

“Yeah yeah, you enjoy being the bane of my life,” Chris mutters at him with a playful scowl. “Truth is kid, is perfectly normal and valid to be ace and thoroughly enjoy sex. Is called being sex-favourable and its one of those three main types I mentioned earlier.”

“Favourable huh,” Jim muses. “What are the others?”

“Sex-repulsed, and sex-indifferent. They’re pretty self-explanatory from the names alone. Of course, there’s a whole load of others such as autochoriosexual, but I’ll send you all that info as a data file later on today.”

“I’m a sex-favourable asexual,” Jim says out loud, almost announcing it to himself. “I always thought I was just a weird pansexual, but I didn’t get why everyone else around me was so obsessed with looks and body shapes and stuff like how they drink out of bottles or lick an ice-cream.”

“I’ll have you know ice-cream licking can be very seductive,” Chris deadpans, humour evident in every line of his body.

“I haven’t the faintest idea what you mean,” Jim chuckles back, letting himself slouch in his seat slightly. “It’s just ice-cream, how is licking it sexy?”

“It’s just ice-cream,” Chris mimics jokingly. “Damn ace people, always so underappreciative. I work hand to look this amazing, and I might as well be a whale-like blob instead for all you’re bothered.”

“I’d sleep with you and appreciate your abs as they are now if you were available and willing sir,” Jim winks, “And I’d see to it that we both enjoyed it. I have it on good authority that I’m ace in bed after all.”

“Oh god, the awful jokes have started and the atrociously bad flirting returned. You must be fine now.”

“Sex-favourably fine I’d say.” 

Chris sighs dramatically.

“I think it’s time for you to leave now son.”

“But I was just getting warmed up!”

“The only thing heating up is my aggravation. So shoo, begone with you. I have work to do and coffee to drink. In fact, go fetch me more coffee you pest, and then go do some of your own work; I’ll send you some research to do and ace sites to look at.”

“Back to being a lowly pest again am I? And here I thought we were finally becoming friends,” Jim laments back with extremely exaggerated sulkiness.

“We’ll see kid,” Chris answers with a small smile, contrary to expected growled denial he usually replies with. “We’ll see.”

The gruff reply makes Jim’s heart skip a beat, and he lets a very genuine smile creep onto his face as he slides back out the door into the hallway.

“A is for Asexual,” he breathes to himself, as he stands there basking in the warmth blooming in his chest. “J is for Jim the self-accepting. And C is for Captain Chris the unexpectedly understanding.”

The smile lasts all damn day.


End file.
